I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
