dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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