sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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