I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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