Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
