Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
