I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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