I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
