you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
