I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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