Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
