eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
