Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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