I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
