I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
