Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
