My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
