you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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