What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
