Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
