Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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