Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Blood and glitter go together right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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