I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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