does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
