i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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