my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
