no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
