I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
