Say something about gay babies.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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