I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
