I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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