i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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