so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
