Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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