we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
