dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My ass is underappreciated
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
