Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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