Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
