He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
