The maid of honor just puked.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
