How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
