When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
