i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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