how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
