Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
