I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
