OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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