It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Need sex. Gaining weight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
