Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
