mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
