i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
