I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
