I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
