Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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