Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she peed on how many people?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
