this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
