she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
