I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
