I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
