Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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