Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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