Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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