I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
In America we eat man semen.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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