I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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