Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
