this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
