So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
