y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
