you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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