i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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