Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
