Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize