I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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